Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Tits and DnD

It's barely been a day since I made this blog, and I'm already updating.  I really don't have that much to do. -,-

But, I got this stuff from a friend who went to an Anime convention earlier in the week. One of the items he gave me was some random toy of an Anime character. I had to look up online where this character was from using the only English written words on the box. (It was an imported Japanese toy.)
oh, hai
 She's from some Japanese Sim game called "IdolM@ster".  The game focuses around finding new Pop Stars for music label or some shit like that. I don't know, sounds kind of boring. (Then again, Sim games in general aren't my thing.)

But Despite the fact that I have never played Idolm@ster and have no urge to, I think I'll keep the toy set up on my computer desk. I've always wanted to have something to make me feel Geekier than I already am. (though, I would much prefer one of Fey from Cowboy Bebop, or Felicia from Dark Stalkers..
Oh, Japan.
At least then it wouldn't feel like I had a toy of a 14 year old pop star on my computer Desk.)
But I appreciate the gift. It can be a good conversation piece...or...er...something.

Google also brought up some...questionable images of this chick when I typed in her name (Her name is Miki Hoshii, by the way.). I guess it's best to just avoid typing in anything anime related into any kind of search engine.











Anyway, let's move on...
Making a Note here: Huge Success.

I also got this awesome Tee of Aperture Science Laboratories. Being a Half-Life/Portal fanboy, I found this especially awesome, and will probably wear it just about every day I'm not working. Special thanks to Hewy P for hooking me up with some geeky shit this week.







So, I was lurking one of the many forums I frequent, when someone posted a thread about an Evangelical website that had Tracts (In comic form) devoted to telling you how evil you are if you listen to rock music, masturbate, or watch those bad ol' TV shows on Showtime.

Turns out, this site is Jack T. Chick's webpage, the guy who made the infamous Dark Dungeons comic.
For those of you who don't know, Dark Dungeons is a Tract that blamed DnD for Teen murder and suicide, and claimed that DnD was an entry level game into Satanism. (But don't let me sit here and explain it, go and read it for yourself! I promise you, it's hilarious.)

Jack Chick



For anyone who is into DnD, or Table Top RPG's in general (Such as myself.), this comic has either been a source of annoyance or humor. On one hand, it represents TTRPG's so poorly that it can't be taken seriously. On the other hand, the TTRPG crowd has already gotten enough bad reputation for having a hobby that only Basement dwelling nerds dive into. Trust me, this hobby doesn't need anything else making it look bad.




But what really caught my attention were two articles written by a man named Bill Schnoebelen:
Straight Talk on DnD (1990)
Should a Christian Play DnD? (2002)
Bill Schnoebelen

 Both Articles deal with the "Dangers" of playing Dungeons and Dragons, all the while making some pretty damn bold claims about not only the game, but Gygax and the original distributors of DnD, TSR, Inc.

"I was a witch high priest (Alexandrian tradition) during the period 1973-84....a couple of the game writers actually came to my wife and I as prominent "sorcerers" in the community. They wanted to make certain the rituals were authentic."

Ok, So I'm not going to try and refute the guy's Wiccan background. Personally, I don't really care. What I am interested is how "Authentic" the spells were in DnD, so I got out my PFD of the 3.5 Rulebook.

I went to the Spell section to find the most Evil spell I could find, and then decided to settle with Curse Water. Here's how it reads:


Curse Water
Necromancy (Evil)
Level: Clr 1
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 Minute
Range: Touch
Target: Flask of Water Touched
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throws: Will Negates (Object)
Spell Resistance: Yes (Object)

This Spell Imbues a Flask (1 Pint) of water with negative energy, turning it into unholy water. Unholy water damages good outsiders the way Holy water damages undead and evil outsiders. Material components: 5 pounds of powdered silver (Worth 25GP)
This has nothing to do with DnD, I just thought it was funny.


So, aside from gameplay mechanics (Which only work, as you might have guessed, while playing the game.) do you see any kind of incantation that would allow you to make Unholy Water to troll your friends with by putting it in their drink when they aren't looking? I think not.

But, maybe I'm looking at the wrong rulebook. This is a newer Edition after all. Let's look at a spell from an Earlier edition, one that would probably be the one he "helped make as accurate as possible".

This is a Spell from the first Edition DnD Volume "Men and Magic", released in 1974, written by Gary Gygax and Dave Arneson.

"Fire Ball: A missile which springs from the finger of the Magic-User. It explodes
with a burst radius of 2" (slightly larger than specified in CHAINMAIL). In a confined
space the Fire Ball will generally conform to the shape of the space (elongate
or whatever). The damage caused by the missile will be in proportion to the
level of its user. A 6th level Magic-User throws a 6-die missile, a 7th a 7-die missile,
and so on. (Note that Fire Balls from Scrolls (see Volume II) and Wand are 6-die
missiles and those from Staves are 8-die missiles. Duration: 1 turn. Range: 24"
And here's one from the First Edition Advanced Dungeons and Dragons Player's Guide, released in 1977:
Animate Dead (Necromantic)
Level: 3
Range: I"
Duration: Permanent
Area of Effect: Special
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: I round
Saving Throw: None
"Explanation/Description: This spell creates the lowest of the undead
monsters, skeletons or zombies, from the bones or bodies of dead humans.
The effect is to cause these remains to become animated and obey the
commands of the cleric casting the spell. The skeletons or zombies will
follow, remoin in an area and attack any creature (or just a specific type of
creature) entering the place, etc. The spell will animate the monsters until
they are destroyed or until the magic is dispelled. (See dispel magic spell).
The cleric is able to animate 1 skeleton or 1 zombie for each level of
experience he or she has attained. Thus, a 2nd level cleric can animate 2
of these monsters, a 3rd level 3, etc. The act of animating dead is not
basically a good one, and it must be used with careful consideration and
good reason by clerics of good alignment. It requires a drop of blood, a
piece of human flesh, and a pinch of bone powder or a bone shard to
complete the spell.
"



Why, there seems to be a pattern emerging here! And it has nothing to do with "real" spells. At most, a Dungeons and Dragons book will give you a descriptive outline of how the spell looks, how long it takes to cast, and duration. Other than that, It's all just gameplay mechanics, that I'm sorry to say, won't allow you to poison your friend's beer with unholy water, cast giant fireballs, or turn your now dead friend (from the unholy water) into a zombie.

If only this many women attended MY play sessions.
But shouldn't this be obvious?  I mean, Even Chick's Tract shows the players merely stating what spell the character is using.

Where is the real witchcraft here? Yes, DnD barrows from various folklore from around the world, but there's nothing to indicate any real kind of sorcery, if you believe in that sort of thing.



Hold on, I gotta Sneeze.
"Back in 1986, a fellow appeared on The 700 Club who was a former employee and game writer for TSR. He testified right on the show that he got into a wrangle with the management there because he saw that the rituals were too authentic...He felt conscience-stricken (even though he was not a Christian at the time), and felt he had to resign from the company."

Oh Goodie, we're in 700 Club Territory now. There's not much to say here, except that anyone who brings up The 700 Club as a source has lost all credibility in my eyes.

"Now, the question becomes—if a person "innocently" works an authentic ritual that conjures up a demon, or curses someone; thinking that they are only playing a game-might not the ritual still have efficacy?"

No, they don't. There are no incantations, no hint to show that these spells work in real life, and I've yet to read a Headline stating "Child incinerated friend while casting Fireball on Dungeons and Dragons". Your argument is stupid, moving on.


Now, his next little paragraph goes on about how the "Laws of God's Universe are no less real in the spiritual realm than in the physical one" or something to that nature. I could crack a whole bunch of Jokes about God, religion, and Jesus, but I'm not going to. Why? Because for one, I don't believe that this man represents the Christian Faith fairly, as he's a raving lunatic. And two; This is about DnD, not Religion. (We might get into that later.)


"This brings us to other unsavory aspects of the game. One pro-D&D psychologist wrote that 'There is hardly a game in which the players do not indulge in murder, arson, torture, rape or highway robbery.' In fact, the Dungeon Master's Guide gives the celebrated Adolph Hitler as an example of a real historical person that exhibited D&D charisma!"

 There's also a lot of players who play noble heroes and knights, who try to help the weak and protect the innocent. It all depends on who is playing the game, really. By the way, Hitler was totally a good example of a RL character with high Charisma.





"Additionally, much of the game contains overtones that reek of illicit sex and sexual violence. For example, the cover of one D&D supplement, called Eldrich Wizardry, shows a naked woman reclining on an obviously satanic ritual altar. This tragic scene is compelling because it is really what is done in genuine satanic groups all over the nation."

Yeah, you can really tell what time this article was written in. I'm sure that back in the day, scaring your kids with "Satanic cults" was all the rage, but you don't hear about them much these days. Mostly because they don't fucking exist.

And if you're offended by the material in the DnD source books, you should really take a look at some of the newer TTRPGs, such as Exalted. I would suggest you take a look at the shit they print in the Abyssal and Infernal books.
Tits and mutilation, what a combo.

"Additionally, male characters in the game often try to seduce female characters"
So, you're saying men don't usually try to seduce women in real life? Right, let's just move on to my favorite part:




Do-It-Yourself Brainwashing

Additionally, Fantasy-Role-Playing (FRP) games like D&D do employ brainwashing techniques:
  1. Fear generation-via spells and mental imaging about fear-filled, emotional scenes, and threats to survival of FRP characters.So wait, you're saying the DM creating a dramatic situation is a bad thing? What? I don't get what this is trying to say here. Adding Drama to a story can be a very, very good thing. What should they do, farm and pray all day as FRPG characters as well?
  2. Isolation-psychological removal from traditional support structures (family, church, etc.) into an imaginary world. Physical isolation due to extremely time-consuming play activities outside the family atmosphere.I don't know about other people, but at most, I was playing Exalted twice a week. This hour or two play sessions still allowed for us to go to work, hang out with friends and family, and in my friends case - Go to church.
  3. Physical torture and killings-images in the mind can be almost as real as the actual experiences.No.  Focus of the games is upon killings and torture for power, acquisition of wealth, and survival of characters. Gonna make this clear once again: This is not always true. It really depends on the players. I have a character whose a complete egocentric dick AND I have a character whose caring and good natured.
  4. Erosion of family values-the Dungeon Master (DM) demands an all-encompassing and total loyalty, control and allegiance.If my Dungeon Master wanted all of those things, I'd tell him to go fuck himself.
  5. Situational Ethics-any act can be justified in the mind of the player, therefore there are no absolutes of right or wrong; no morality other than "point" morality needed to ensure survival and advancement. There are no win-win situations and good forces seldom triumph over evil forces. 1.) Morality is relative to the person you're talking to. 2.) Read comments on number 3.
  6. Religion-values and belief systems (see below) are restructured from traditional Judeo-Christian ethics (which most people in Western culture adhere to) to belief in multiple gods and deities. Players align themselves with specific deities they select; patron deities are strongly urged. These are not fantasy deities, but are drawn from genuine ancient religions and beliefs! Only occult gods are included. In addition, defilement is urged in many ways, such as excrement or urinating to "defile a font." I don't know if you've figured this out yet, but these games have a large focus on player creativity. You can be a Wiccan, Atheist, or even an Evangelical asshole in DnD, it's all up to you.  I've no clue as to what you're talking about with that last sentence.
  7. Loss of Self-control-authority over self is surrendered to the DM. Depending on the personality and ego-strength of the player, this loss can be near absolute. Eh, most of the time, it's the DM who relies on the players to help take the story in a certain direction. A DM who rail-roads everything is usually considered a shitty DM, and is thus yelled at for rail roading.
  8. Degradation-pain and torture are heavily involved in sadistic, sexual situations that graphically appeal to visceral impulses. Much of the material (as mentioned above) is well into pornographic areas and stresses the defilement of innocence.  Gotta use that "Depends" word again. The beauty of these games is that they're played the way you want them to.  

I'm wondering if this guy has really sat down and played DnD. Probably not. 

His next paragraph, again, goes into religion, and talking about two different kinds of universes. A magical world universe, and the "Christian Universe". What's funny about this little paragraph is that he preaches the same thing that people tell him day in and day out: Most people know that this shit is fiction.
"Now obviously, these two worldviews cannot exist in the same moral universe. Either one is true and the other false or vice-versa. Thus, one cannot be a Christian and believe in the MWV...This magical morality pervades D&D, and it is utterly in opposition to the Word of God and even common sense"

Unfortunately, he's just like a child who just..doesn't quite get the point. Right as he is talking about how they are two different worlds, and it's utterly absurd to believe in the "Magical World View", he goes right back into this:

"Now the question becomes, can a person play the game without subscribing to the worldview? It is possible, but considering the high level of emotional and intellectual commitment that the game requires, is that really realistic?"

Well, I guess I shouldn't have expected anything else from this guy. Anyway, his last statements on this article go into talking about people who played DnD that have either murdered or committed suicide.

The problem with this is, he bases his opinion on a very small amount of cases, and on kids who just happened to be DnD players. It's the same thing as the whole school shootings thing and Jack Thompson calling CounterStrike: Source a "Murder simulator".

Some kids are troubled. Hell, most people have problems, but blaming things like murders and suicides on Satanic cults and a Role Playing game just puts us back in the Dark Ages. You might as well be afraid of your own shadow if you're going to blame DnD for these kind of things.

Old Billy boy's other Article, Should a Christian play Dungeons and Dragons?, picks up where he left off 12 years ago (Or now, it's like 20 years ago.), and he starts off by briefly addressing some of the mail he's been getting since then.

"I am amazed at how many so-proclaimed Christians who defend the game, do so with foul and abusive language. This, I think, speaks volumes about the spiritual impact of the game."

Because you're a beacon of what God wants from this world. Right. He goes on for a few paragraphs about how DnD has influenced a surge of fantasy based sorcery in today's fiction, and then gives a brief overview of DnD for those of us who don't know what it is.



"For those unfamiliar, it is the grandmother of most (if not all) fantasy role-playing games (FRPG). Now many understand that role-playing originated formally as a psychological tool."

Actually, it originated from Miniature Wargames, and ended up turning into it's own little thing. But what gets me here is that he now switched from "DnD is a Satanists handbook to get people into the occult" to "DnD is a Psychological tool that degrades your grip on reality". All I ask is for some consistency...

"The astute reader will have noted that already, some genuine magical terms from real witchcraft and occultism have been introduced. Druids and Bards are both part of the priesthood of ancient pre-Christian Britain. Wizards are of course the classic practitioners of magic, both in reality and in fantasy fiction. We will look at these roles more in depth in a moment."

OH WAIT, HERE IT IS.

"One other issue needs to be raised about alignment. The morality expressed in D&D is fuzzy at best, and is certainly NOT the morality of the Bible."

Yeah, the morality of the Bible. Like how God Killed more people in the Bible than Lucifer.
Sorry, sorry, let's just continue on.

"For example, you can have a "lawful evil" character. A handbook states that: "A lawful evil villain methodically takes what he wants within the limits of his code of conduct without regard to whom it hurts. He cares about tradition, loyalty and order, but not about freedom, dignity or life."7 Talk about a mish-mash of moral ambiguity. Our young people are having enough trouble getting their values straight without being immersed in this sort of material!"

Most kids know the difference between reality and fantasy. Sure, a lot of kids want to be Wolverine, Spider-Man, Batman, or Justin Bieber, but that doesn't mean they can't tell reality from fantasy, and that certainly doesn't mean they pick up their moral opinions from them. Do you know who they do pick up their moral opinions from? Parents. Teachers. Priests. Friends. Maybe Justin Bieber. Oh god, let's hope not...

"How is this magic seen in the game? Well, in a guide written by the original author of the game, Gary Gygax, we read:

Magic users draw upon arcane powers in order to exercise their profession … He or she must memorize and prepare for the use of each spell, and its casting makes it necessary to reabsorb the incantation by consulting the proper book of spells … those of magic-users must be spoken or read aloud.10
This is excellent advice for budding necromancers. When we were high priests and training witches, we would insist upon no less. This is obviously a game which requires real initiative and dedication. But look at what the gamers are filling their heads with!"

Actually, most of the time, it's only stated that you do these things, as acting them out would be too time consuming. For instance:
"Me: Are we resting, because I'm gonna read my spellbook to get *Insert spells here*"
"DM: Yes, we are resting. Remember, this action will take at least ten minutes to perform."
"Me: Ok then, I'll just go get a beer while I wait."
"DM: Sure, go ahead. Hewitt, are you done fixing your inventory"
"Hewitt:Yes, now I wanna roll to see if I can catch something to eat"
"DM: Oh hey, you fail, and you've caught the attention of Ogres. Also, Gerdo is interrupted from his reading"
"Me: Dammit Hewitt"


While in your head, your character might be reading, keeping track of tomes and magical items, there's no obligation to actually do these things in real life. Hell, we hardly ever even play with miniatures, with the exception of combat.


"Other than the magic issue, as we have seen, the overall morality of the D&D universe is pragmatism at best and amoral at worst. "Might makes right" seems to be the rule...Now isn't that a wonderful "law of the jungle" kind of morality to instill in a young Christian?"

Law of the Jungle? That's fucking RACIST. 










So, he goes on the analyze the class structure of DnD and break down how they are a "bad influence" on Christian Youth. There's nothing much to say, except I can do this awesome misquote:

"In other words, religions are myths. Christianity is a myth; Judaism is a myth, etc."

Lol. Sorry. Let's get back on subject.

The article kind of repeats what he's been saying in the last article, and finally gets a bit interesting when he addresses his critics personally.

 "my IQ is comfortably above idiocy" 

I beg to differ.


"I have played D&D a few times and spent dozens of hours talking with players and Dungeon Masters (DMs). Admittedly, my first hand experienced with D&D is from the 1970's-80's, but I would think it still counts for something. Has the game changed that much?"

No, it hasn't. It's still some silly game a bunch of nerds argue over for hours while drinking beer and eating funions (mm, Funions.) It's obvious that you never listened to anyone. Not a real expert, not the DND players, not the good folk who sent you all of that hate mail. Your viewpoint is blinded by your own misguided faith, and the only thing that needs to change is you. But I don't see that happening. In the meantime, have some tits.


The Best Google Image Search could come up with.







"I covet your prayers that the Lord would give me the time and funds to thoroughly research the contemporary FRPG scene, which if anything appears to be more appalling than it was 20 years ago. A walk through any gaming store can prove that. For example, there is now a whole line of materials based on the hellish H.P. Lovecraft Cthulhu mythos, a form of magic that we practiced in the darkest days of our satanic career - a system of magic prominently featured in THE SATANIC RITUALS by Anton LaVey!"


 Oh, I love the Chulhu Mythos! I even own the Board Game "Arkham Horror" Which I got for Christmas. But honestly, I think this is where I'm going to call it with this guy. When you read things like:


"One D&D defender wrote, "When I play the game, I might roll the dice and - depending on the result - state that 'I cast an invisibility spell.'" His point was, how is that like "real magic?" In mental or hermetic magic, it is EXACTLY like real magic (except of course for the dice)! It is all in the intent - in the mind. It is not in whether or not you are waving a sword around!"

It really makes your brain hurt. And there's so much more to this article than the original one. I just can't take this much bullshit at one time. It's like people keep saying "No, that's not right, your facts are all off" but he won't stop repeating himself... Plus, it's not like this is new or anything. Both Chick's and Bill's BS have been some of the Earliest form of anti-game propaganda, and nowadays, we're all worried if Thompson and Fox News are going to try and berate the new Mass Effect game with more bullshit.

But this does bring up an interesting subject for me. A lot of people, given the chance, would jump onto this guy solely because he's a Christian. Hell, religion kind of becomes an easy target when this guy is talking about being some sort of intellectual and expert on the Occult, and then turns around and blames DnD for working kids into Satanism.

But this guy is a Clown. He trips over his own belief structure the minute he starts talking. How are you going to talk about having good moral values, and being a good Christian when you're judging people and telling them that they don't love God "Like you do"?

That's not Christianity, at least, not the way I was taught. I'm not a Christian, by the way. I'm a non-religious Deist. Thought I'd inform you of that.

Anyway, the best thing I've heard was "Don't hate the book, hate the people". While not exactly those words, it kind of makes sense if you think about it. You don't blame the gun for shooting someone, or you don't blame fire for burning the house when you're in your room playing with matches. (Sorry, mom.)

So, blaming religion for the crazy shit Bill spits out won't solve anything. Instead, Let's just laugh at how stupid he sounds. It's much better, and I think most reasonable Atheist and Theist can find common ground there.


Well, I've officially ran out of things to say, and it's pretty damn early in the morning, and I have work tomorrow. I'm going to sign off.


PS.





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